F to R to the USTRATION

There are two voices in my head right now.

One is my own voice, saying “I can’t do this. I just can’t do this.”

The other is a tiny little voice that I can barely hear, but it is there and won’t be ignored. It says “Don’t you dare quit, you’ve come so far!”

The problem is that I am so very conflicted. I guess I don’t really want to quit. I have fallen in love with Roller Derby, the girls on the team and with the whole feeling of being a part of something greater than just me and myself. But, then there is that part of me that is just plain tired and frustrated.

I have come up against this brick wall. It seems as thick as it is tall and right now, frankly I can’t see my way around it. While many aspects of derby are fun and I know if/when I get past this it will be fun, right now it is hard to have fun.

Skill-wise I am coming along quite well. I am right where I should be and could probably jump out there anytime if skills were the only consideration. But, they aren’t. Athletes of any sport all know that skill is only a part of it. If you can’t keep up with everyone else, it doesn’t matter how much skill you have.

Read the rest here, which voice will win? F to the R to the USTRATION

And keep the comments coming, here or at my blog site! I love you girls and thanks for all the encouragement!

5 Comments

Comment by Shannon Loupe on June 23, 2009 at 4:34pm: I read the blog. You already know what you need to do, so refuse to talk yourself out of it! "I Jodi Soper do hereby refuse to give in to the instant gratification of parking spots up close"<-- Yell it loud and proud sister! If you give up, you're allowing self destruction to occur. Now, just curious: Those sprints, push ups and skating...is that a pre or post stretch warm up?

Comment by Jondi Soper on June 23, 2009 at 5:15pm: They are pre stretch warm up! I HATE it.

Comment by Velma Revolver on June 24, 2009 at 11:41pm: Hey I hope you don't mind if I post but I came across your blog and just HAD to give a shout.

There are times in practice that suck for EVERYONE! The best way to improve is when you hit the wall to say to yourself "I am going to keep going, one more set" Then you do another and it feels so good to get over that hump! Just keep saying it "one more set." You only improve if you push yourself past your comfort point. If rollerderby was easy, everyone would do it, but it's not it's a difficult demanding, contact sport. And that's why I love it, I love leaving a practice and know that I got my ass kicked, but I pushed myself. Next time try not to sit out, but instead just slow down a bit but do the entire drill. It'll feel much better to know you've finished!! You can do it girl!

Comment by Jondi Soper on June 25, 2009 at 8:05am: Thanks!

Comment by Kerry Crawford on June 30, 2009 at 1:26pm: I'm going through the same thing - I just got placed on a team, and it's totally different. I'm thrown out there with girls that have been playing for years, and I just don't have the same skills that they have. Every time I jam and can't get through the pack, it feels like a total setback. I'm worried my team thinks they made a terrible mistake by picking me. But, I go to practice, and I push myself, and before every jam, I set a goal - don't get knocked down, get past one pesky blocker, get my foot in front of somebody - and that seems to be helping a little bit.